First Posted online on August 10th 2017
Days and months roll by in our lives like flowing water. Like a flowing river, you can never get them back. Some calendar days, month have significance for us, albeit I noticed we have stopped looking at the calendar and go back occasionally to see how time runs by us. Or maybe it is just me.
Several Augusts have gone by, since the first one many moons ago and this one is here as I write. Rationally thinking all days, months are the same occurring every year, though human minds give significance to some. The first, 10th, 50th and so on may make some sit up, think and maybe make a mental note.
The learned tell us to think of the present and build for the future. True! However, future is yet to come and depends on how we live today. On the other hand, the past is wealth of learning, lessons and memories. The past has feelings, emotions and to some that makes a world of difference for being human. This August has significance in many ways.
For starters, 10 years ago I was younger. Almost 10 years younger.
The August of 2007 started well when I spoke to everyone at home in the first week, got my usual messages of me being an uncaring distant son, followed by blessings, some emotional. Since there was no WhatsApp, Skype, Google Duo in those days, ‘emotions on phone’ and happiness, pain were felt more than ‘seen’ on smart phone calls today. I do not think the call was any different for most people.
When I think of him now I can say he was different. He was blunt, mostly remaining quiet, yet down to earth in lifestyle and sensitive. I can definitely say he could never have become a politician. If he did, he would drag the party down to bankruptcy and joblessness for all. People still came to him when looking for assistance. Thanks to the internet, we seldom ask for assistance from others now and interactions just to learn something from others have become fewer. Today, we need others for ‘Likes’ and ‘Compliments’. He would have been hugely unpopular today, since he could not express these readily.
I guess quite a few can now make out where I come from and they will not be surprised.
We rushed to be with him 10 years ago. He did his best to show there was nothing to worry, as he did all his life. He looked a bit questioning, thinking, but remained quiet for longer periods.
Kids running around, talking too much annoy adults frequently. I too do that sometimes, on seeing that small bundle of energy aimlessly hopping around, drawing attention, running wildly. Seeing those actions also brings smile and to see, they are lively, so full of life. Childhood is when life is ready to bloom, explore and energies seem boundless. Some adults referred childish overstepping norms of maturity. However, those children and some adults share that life, zest rarely seen in many grown up adults. I’m not there yet, but who knows my final days may be quiet introspection about signing-off, something similar to how “Anand” tries to show in his last moments.
While he was at the hospital, I saw him brooding in those August days, though boldly putting a face as if nothing happened and even when he walked out of that hospital on his own strength, he was thinking deeply on his way back home. The journey is same for everyone, the experiences similar and some choose to live life differently. He lived life on his own terms. He taught me, silence hurts more than any argument, as observed by all who miss their loved ones.
I often visit the past remembering good days and bad of journeys made in life, but that change in life 10 years ago is significantly important for me. 10 years have passed and time makes it easy on the conscience. The pain does ease a bit, indicating flowing river in our lives changing shapes, memories, thus exposing our mortality. Yet, I choose to remember through memory reinforcements, not giving up easy on the past that was part of me.
All the more important since 10 years ago, the three weeks in August 2007 were last together moments with Papa and writing this is simply an excuse to remember him and make myself sit, recollect my days, months with him and the richness in those days.